i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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