drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
