Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
