I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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