btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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