I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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