Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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