We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
