Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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