I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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