i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
