remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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