mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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