Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
