I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
