I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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