in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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