She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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