so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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