I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
