Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
