Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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