Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
