apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize