The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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