the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
