I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
North Korea, Best Korea!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
