You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I touched a dick in church today
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
