fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so let's talk penis.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
