worst night to have a conscience
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
