Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
