"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
