i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
