how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
