i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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