Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
