the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she peed on how many people?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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