i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
