smell my finger.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
