so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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