We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
