It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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