Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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