What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
