my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
