I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
