Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
