maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
