i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
