Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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