I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My life is pants optional.
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