we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
