9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
