FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
