and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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