Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
BRING THE BAGELS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
