Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
