i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
