see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
