Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
