how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
