the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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