I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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