dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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