I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
