dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
