Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
